“Change is good,” They say. But I say Change Sucks!

Last night I set my alarm for 5:30am, knowing that I would more than likely hit snooze…a lot.  I didn’t tell my husband that I was planning on going to the gym first thing in the morning, because I hadn’t been in almost three weeks and we stayed up late watching Ozark.  Good show, by the way.

When my alarm went off at 5:30, my heart sank. I immediately reached for my phone and hit snooze.  “I am too tired, I’ll go to a later class,” I told myself.  Knowing I was lying.  Lying to myself….doesn’t get much worse than that.  Then a thought popped into my head.  “If you want change, you have to take the first step,” said the thought to me.  I got up, got dressed, grabbed my water bottle and made it to the 6:00am workout.

For some reason, this workout was particularly killer.  I didn’t feel like it was meant to be harder than workouts I’d done at this gym, but my body was just not liking it.  About a third of the way in, I started getting dizzy.  I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and that’s when I started gagging and dry heaving.  What is wrong with me?! It wasn’t until later that I realized I am actually getting one of those ridiculous colds that really gets you down and makes you feel like crap.  But I let the dizziness and feeling like I was going to puke pass, then I got back in and finished the workout.  I did it.  And it felt damn good.

If you want to change, you have to take the first step.  See, I am on a journey to be the best me I can be.  I am out of shape, about thirty pounds heavier than I want to be, I have chronic pain, and I am a mother and wife whose dream is to create a life of financial freedom through blogging and Network Marketing and coaching.  After years of failure and having to get crappy jobs that made me miserable because I just wanted to be home, I have come to realize that my desires weren’t in tune with what’s in my heart.  What I truly desire is to heal myself, and to bring you along for the ride so that, hopefully, you may find healing too.

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Worn out, sick, and taking one step at a time.  Take them with me.

Most of us need some sort of healing.  Whether it’s from our childhood, things that we have seen, things we have done, or just struggling with mental illness of some sort.  I feel God has called me recently to share some of the gnarly things about me that I have buried deep inside, so that others can relate.  So you know you aren’t alone.  So you know you can still have an amazing and fulfilling life and make your dreams come true.  And most of all, so you know that you are VALUABLE.  This may take years or even a lifetime to accomplish.  But you know how we start?  With that first step.

People say “change is good.”  And it can be good.  But it’s easy to lose sight of it being good because here’s the real thing…CHANGE SUCKS.  Or rather, the process of changing sucks.  It can be painful, it can be scary, and it can take a LONG time.  It can even make us puke, or cry, or feel like our body is going to give out on us.   And if we don’t have even a short-term destination in mind, we will forget why we are putting ourselves in such misery in the first place and quit.  It’s easier to stay the same.  It’s more comfortable to not stretch ourselves tochange.  Some days, we may go backwards because we just don’t feel like it.  That’s okay, as long as the next day you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and take that first step.  Then the next step.  Then the next step.  Before you know it, you’ll have walked a mile.  Climbed a mountain.  Moved a mountain.  And changed your life.

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